In The Age of AI
Focusing On My Interest

Unfortunately, when I look back on my career, it is hard for me to find a job that I feel good about. Thinking about a previous job and how the boss yelled at me, in front of my coworkers. Briefly looking at my code, she declared – loudly – that ‘this just wouldn’t work’. Standing over me she proceeded to change my code while quietly saying ‘I’m making all these changes and I don’t know if it will even work’ and underneath her breath she laughed. Back in her office, one coworker turned to me and apologized (for her). 

Paying attention to what’s going on inside of me when I look at all these job requirements – I’m realizing the voice saying ‘you can’t do that’ – is not my voice but instead that boss’ voice, along with several other people I’ve had to work with.

It’s been a good while and those voices are loud in my head, especially when looking for a new job. This time I am determined to do things differently this time. I’ve learned the terms ‘white fragility’, ‘microaggression’ and ‘mansplaining’ – yet things (within me) haven’t seemed to change. Again, Gemini(AI) is a place where I can find a new way to explore.

What are some processes to silence other people’s voices, like that one boss? What are some ways to silence other people’s voices in your head?

Some of Gemini(AI) suggestions are what I have already known – yet may have not really tried it out.

Gemini(AI) said that 

‘the internal struggle is a classic example of impostor syndrome and the impact of negative self-talk—except in this case, the negative voice is a direct echo of an external source, which makes it particularly visceral’

The Process of Silencing the Inner Critic

1. Recognition and Externalization

Before I can silence the voice, I have to truly see it for what it is—NOT my own self-doubt, but a foreign, toxic implant.

• Identifying the Source: I have to realize that the words aren’t an objective truth about my skills; they are a recording of a moment of cruelty and poor management.
  • Writing Example: When I’m about to click “Apply,” the voice screams, “You don’t know how to code!” I could then think, “That’s not my voice. That’s my boss’ voice.” Naming the source can take away its power.
• Physicalizing the Voice: Give the voice a physical quality. Is it a grating screech? A hollow echo? Does it make my stomach clench or my hands shake?
  • Writing Example: The voice isn’t just a thought; it’s a cold, metallic shriek that makes my ears ring, a phantom sensation of my former boss’s coffee breath.
• Writing It Down: A common therapeutic technique is to write down the toxic thought. When I hear, “You’re a fraud,” I can write it on a piece of paper, then under it, write the boss’s name. This literally pulls the voice out of my head and onto a page.

2. Challenge and Reframing

Once I have identified the voice, I need to challenge its authority and veracity.

• The “Evidence Wall”: I need to gather proof that the voice is lying. This involves a cold, logical assessment of my skills, which may be difficult for me initially.
  • Writing Example: The voice yells, “You don’t know how to code!” I can force myself to remember: “But I fixed the server-side bug that month. I got certified in Python last year. I trained two junior developers.” Each piece of evidence is a small counter-punch that makes the internal scream slightly fainter.
• Shifting the Narrative: I need to change the context of the memory. The problem wasn’t me; it was the boss’s reaction or the environment.
  • Writing Example: Instead of “I failed to code that project,” the thought becomes, “My boss was under extreme pressure and took her anxiety out on me. Her anger was about her job, not my abilities.”
• A “Muting” Ritual: I could develop a conscious, immediate mental action to stop the voice. It could be a simple word like “STOP,” or a visualization, like mentally turning a volume dial down, or a faucet off.

3. Replacement and Affirmation

The final and most sustainable step is replacing the empty space left by the silenced voice with a positive, self-affirming one.

• The Voice of a Champion: I need to create a new, internal voice. This could be my own, calm voice, or the imagined voice of someone who believes in me—a mentor, a supportive friend, or my younger, more confident self.
  • Writing Example: When I hear the shriek, I immediately pivot to the memory of my college professor saying, “You have a knack for elegant solutions.” or a friend’s text, “You got this. Your code is art.“
• Action as Affirmation: The true silencing will come when I act despite the voice. I hear the yell, apply for the job anyway, and then get an interview. Success is the loudest silencer.
  • Writing Example: I submit the application while my hands are shaking and the boss’ voice is ringing in my ears. The moment I get the interview confirmation email is a moment where the internal scream is replaced by a gasp of shocked silence, and then a small, triumphant whisper from myself: “I did it anyway.“
• The Power of Helping Others: Sometimes, mentoring a younger, struggling colleague is the key. By helping someone else with their coding doubts, I will be forced to articulate the strengths and strategies I had forgotten I possess. This external act of validation becomes internalized.

This process gives a great framework for development in silencing those negative voices. Note that these voices will likely come back when I’m stressed or vulnerable, but each time, my ability to recognize and reframe it will become faster and more effective.