I have been having some type of feelings lately and I’m not sure what’s going on. Now, you may say that ‘at your age… shouldn’t you know’. Well, here’s the thing, I have been paying attention to myself more and asking questions. In the past I would feel this, then grab some brownies to stuff it all down.
This is what I believe is going on with me. I believe that being disorganized is stressful to me and thinking about organizing has become a trigger. Although having stuff around me may feel comfy, after a while I start feeling closed in and that, to me, is stressful. And when I think about organizing everything, a flood of all the times people laughed at me, got angry with me, threatened to mess my space up or just intrude on my space… had me shut down. In the past, as I mentioned above, I would look for brownies (or chocolate chip cookies, and recently Reese’s Peanut Butter cups) to relieve that stress. Sometimes I would just sleep a lot. Because of the trigger I wouldn’t organize anything but just sit around wondering what’s wrong with me.
First, I believe I need to embrace my need to be organized. It is who I am, so passionately embrace all of me. In fact, there are people who have made a business of organizing. Also I need to work on strengthening my boundaries, thus responding to others differently. Maybe saying something like, ‘I understand that you are upset, why don’t you join me in being organized’, or ‘I see that you are upset, know that this is just me and I, in no way, am I trying to upset you’.
As far as turning to food to stuff this feeling down, I believe once I am able to embrace my organized self, the need to turn to food will disappear but just in case it does not I have found some information that may help. According to a “Verywell Mind” article online, ‘eating chocolate affects our cortisol levels which, in turn, influences our body’s stress response’. So find other ways to increase my cortisol levels and relieve stress.
I was thinking about working out or just walking. I have tried those two before but it never worked. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy walking but sometimes the stress was still there. Maybe I wasn’t walking fast and long enough but I think there must be something else I can do. There are two things that worked in the past, I do not know if they will still work but it’s worth a try. They are ‘journal writing’ and ‘taking a shower’. Now sometimes I’m too stressed to sit still and write and don’t feel like getting into the shower, in those cases have found something new that has been helpful. I go for a drive and put my cell phone in the car holder and videotape myself running my mouth. Haha, as strange as that might sound, it has been helpful.
In the end it’s about embracing being organized, see it as a good thing. They do say that being organized helps you focus and may help you lose weight. Also, find new and exciting ways to relieve stress. You know, playing Sudoku may be one of those things.